Good evening, everyone! 

Here's hoping everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving (if you celebrate) and your day (if you don't) yesterday. 

My husband and I cooked far too much food for just two people. We're accustomed to cooking a good deal of food because we usually have more than the two of us present. Certainly, our food won't go to waste, but we're definitely going to reel ourselves in for the future Christmas Feast. 

We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, but today, the wisdom of deprivation set in: I can't help but be grateful that we only eat such rich foods around this time of year. I can't imagine eating this much all the time! 

There's something to be said about slight deprivation: I don't mean doing bizarre ascetic practices like sleeping with no covers in the cold or wearing no shoes in the snow or constantly fasting; rather, as an example, I walked my dog earlier in the cold wind without having an additional coat on top of my sweater. I was clothed, yes, but it was still quite cold. I knew I wouldn't be outside for long, but for the duration, I was extremely uncomfortable and looking forward to being back in the warmth. 

And so I think there's something to do this if the individual volunteers their will to do so. 

We'll discuss more of this later.

In the meantime, we're going to start listening to a LOT of Advent and Christmas songs, so get ready!

In Christ,

​Steve

There are so many things to be grateful for this year! The slowing of the pandemic is one of them. Our new friends and family in the Aquarian Catholic Spiritual Community is another! 

There's much gratitude for us to be able to participate in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass through Zoom! 

There's much gratitude for us to be able to send the Consecrated Host quickly to one another so we can all participate!

We have such a repertoire of spiritual information available to us at our fingertips through the internet: libraries and libraries of information. 

Yes, praise God! There's much to be thankful for. 

In Christ,

​Steve

Soon, we'll start doing more Biblical analysis. 

As I'm not an expert (and I don't speak Hebrew, Latin, or Greek, only knowing some words in each language), I'll do my best to rely on people who are experts in those languages and refer back to the original language when possible as we look at various meanings of Biblical passages and try to place them both in their historical context along with finding inner and mystical meanings of the passages. 

Another thing we'll have to do is seek out which lectionary we want to use and allow for the use of things like the non-canonical Scriptures, which have a great value in and of themselves, if only for the reason of expanding our minds on what constitutes the Christian Tradition as a whole.

Look forward to it!

In Christ, 

​Steve

In the Aquarian Catholic Spiritual Community, we celebrate 40 days of Advent. Thus, we end up with six Sundays of Advent as opposed to four. 

Some of us are going to have to update our Advent wreaths!

However, personally speaking, I have a huge tendency to complain about Christmas decorations going up before Thanksgiving. (Some homes in my neighborhood already have entire Christmas trees up, and that makes me slightly grumpy.) 

Okay, "grumpy" is the wrong word here. I feel like Thanksgiving really gets thrown under the bus. Advent beginning prior to Thanksgiving is throwing me for a loop. 

The thing, I really, really love Christmas and (almost) everything about it. 

But once our celebration of the Nativity of Christ being born within us begins to encroach to before Thanksgiving, I start getting irritated. It's entirely possible to be "Christmased out." 

So, I'm grateful for Advent. I'm grateful for the waiting. I'm grateful for the "not yet." Because it's wonderful but also a lot to take in. 

Remember to have patience and to await the Christ. 

After Thanksgiving, I'll start posting Advent hymns and Christmas hymns for us. 

In Christ, 

​Steve

Tonight, Father Sergio and I practiced the Mass. "Practice" may be the wrong term; we actually celebrated the Mass, but either way, it was practice for me as I'll be doing the Responses tomorrow (Sunday, November 21st). 

The practice wasn't perfect on my end, but that's entirely fine. Entirely fine. What matters is our devotion to God and attempting to the right thing for the Divine. 

In the future, Father Sergio and I are very likely to do other Masses so that we can have the experience fresh on our minds and in our hearts. 

And I look forward to making that kind of progress.

In Christ,

​Steve

While listening to a  podcast this morning, I was taken aback when I heard one of the otherwise incredibly intelligent speakers mention that he believes that homosexuality is wrong- something that shouldn't have surprised me (the podcast was by people who belong to one of the New Anglican denominations in the USA) but still took me off-guard. 

I returned to the Church (as in Christianity) in 2007 or so. My experience was largely one of discovering what we might term historical Christianity- a kind of Christianity that was familiar one on hand but entirely new to me on another- and mystical Christianity, a kind of current within Christianity that I hadn't fully experienced. 

One of the curious aspects of this more historical version of Christianity is that there are highly intelligent, well-intentioned people who think deeply and intensely about various theological issues. This was all new to me, of course. 

That being said, there's always room to build castles in the air and become so incredibly stuck in one's own head that one misses the reality in which we live. I know I've done it. 

The knee-jerk reaction I had is one of interest to me because our Church absolutely accepts people for who they are, where they are- we are interested in the state and condition of your soul. 

The thing is, I think it's almost impossible for someone to look at an ​actual, real-life, living same-sex married couple and call it "sinful." Because it isn't sinful. 

I don't feel a particularly strong emotion about the comment I heard today, but I did notice how quickly I was jarred, and I reflected on that. (I can hear the comments now: "You weren't affected by the statement, but you wrote an entire blog about it? Sounds like you're in denial!") 

It's more a matter of being offered to reflect upon. What such commentary amounts to is an assault on the holiness of my marriage, the sacredness of the love I share with my husband, and a (likely) complete misunderstanding of the Scriptures that even mention homosexuality combined with the far, far higher priorities of loving God and loving one's neighbor. 

Of course, the argument that pops up ​here is where things get really twisted: some people will begin arguing that dehumanizing and demeaning otherwise is a form of God's love, and then the entire conversation basically falls apart. There's not a whole lot of room to have discussions when people advertise for a God of Love and then equate that Love with Harm in the Name of Holiness. Doing this is common but disgusting, and at that point, other than for the sake of being some kind of authoritarian tradition, the question is why would one be part of the Faith anyway? 

No doubt, we have to be aware of ourselves having reactions and not allowing them to spin out of control. Becoming aware of those reactions is the first step. 

This was a longer than normal post, so I'll wrap up here.

In Christ,

​Steve

Now this is a real treat that I stumbled upon while looking up information on the Saints...it's an Audiobook on the Lives of the Saints! This is part one. I'll post part two tomorrow. 

Recently, Father Sergio posted a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh about how silence is necessary for humans in the way that other basic things like air and water are.

I agree whole-heartedly. 

Inner silence can be difficult to achieve. One of the first things anyone notices in meditation is that thoughts seem to arise spontaneously! One needn't be sitting and thinking on a particular topic or trying to figure out something; just sitting down, thoughts rise to the surface of the mind like bubbles. 

This should be the first clue to anyone that the mind goes deeper that the merely conscious mind; those thoughts are bubbling up from an aspect of the mind to which we don't have direct access (most of the time). 

They can be silenced, not in a ham-handed way, but in a gentle, relaxing sort of way. Show the mind, the thoughts, "See? Doesn't it feel better to relax? Doesn't it feel better to stop for a little while and just be here?" and the mind will eventually see this and relax into it. 

But it takes practice to get to that silence, and that's okay. 

Moreover, once we achieve this silence, we're able to commune more directly with God. According to Saint John of the Cross, "Silence is God's first language." 

We'll discuss more on this in future entries.

In Christ,

​Steve

A particularly interesting synchronicity happened today while I was praying the Psalms- I came upon a line that related to some issues I've been dealing with but had no recollection that such a line was in the Psalms at all.

The line specifically related to family abandoning one but "God never abandoning" or something along those lines. I don't feel the need to quote it exactly. 

As I chanted, I was taken aback to see this line and felt reassured and vindicated in so many ways and incredibly grateful to God. 

The synchronicity is there. 

Also, thanks to Father Sergio, I now have an enormous supply of the Consecrated Hosts and can receive Holy Communion along with the other members of the Church! Truly amazing what technology and the modern world have brought us. 

Things are going to be okay. Things are going to be fully and entirely okay. I can't emphasize this enough. The Peace of God is with us.

In Christ, 

​Steve

Pray without ceasing. Keep close to the Heart. Don't give in to every temptation, every desire. Let them roll over you and through you and let yourself feel like you're drowning in the very life force of the cosmos, and turn your mind inward to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. 

Know that all leads back to God, that the order of all good things shall return to God. 

These are heavy words, so I'll leave you with them for the time being. Reflect on them. Sit in front of the Holy Eucharist if you can and adore Christ. 

In Christ,

Steve

As humans, we're dynamic realities. We have to exist in this world and live our lives here for a whole variety of reasons. Survival is an issue, and survival entails more than merely staying alive; it also deals with our being able to belong to a community and function according to the rules and regulations of a society. 

So we develop identities based around the natural impulses we have combined with our "soul" impulses, as it were, curtailed and molded by the language we speak and the culture into which we're born.

Bringing this all around, one of the more bizarre things I see happen among atheists is the "evangelical atheist." Often (but not always), these are people who were raised in Christianity formerly and become outspoken atheists. Suddenly, all the evils of the world have only one possible source: religion. Get rid of religion, get rid of religious people, and then the world would be a perfect place. 

Moreover, another sophomoric view here is the assumption that "religion" is a homogenous category, that all religions everywhere are identical in practice to the particularly bizarre views that erupt in American Evangelical Christianity. 

This phase is overall volatile for many reasons, and unfortunately, too many people get stuck in this phase, building entire identities around it. 

But if one can grow out of it, if one can master those tendencies, if one can see that yes, too often our religions are given over to people with childlike minds and immature understandings but that there's more to it, if one can become not merely an atheist parody of the systems one criticizes, then perhaps, just perhaps, there's something far, far greater on the other side. 

It isn't easy, but it can be done.

In Christ,

​Steve

As our faith matures, as we walk down the path, we'll eventually hit what I've termed "The Angry Atheist Phase." 

From my point of view, this has been an absolutely essentially aspect of walking the path and entering into a mature faith. 

Okay, so perhaps one needn't necessarily be angry, but I think anyone raised in faith that doesn't go through a period of doubt, uncertainty, disbelief, and perhaps even anger at the faith is missing out on one the catalysts that leads to a mature faith. 

Much of the struggle we encounter in modern life (and perhaps throughout human history) is in the face of uncertainty and the desire for stability. Uncertainty produces anxiety, and, well, anxiety vexes us, does it not? 

So for many, they cling to their faith from a point of seeing the faith as something that is absolutely certain. 

But the smallest investment of time in exploring the origins of things like the Bible and Christianity and so on shows you that, whether God has directed the paths or not, there's a great deal of human intervention. 

One cannot prove or disprove a statement such as, "Every word in the Bible is divinely inspired; every word in the Bible is written by humans directly guided by God to write those words." That sounds lovely, and you may take comfort in believing that, but once you read the Scriptures, once you begin looking at extra-Biblical scriptures (not to mention the scriptures of other world religions), that view becomes less and less meaningful and appears less and less accurate. 

For some people, this becomes an entirely either-or proposition. Their faith hinges on a literal truth of the Scriptures, which how my faith once was. 

But true faith arises in the midst of the uncertainty. One becomes reliant on the Mystery of God, one becomes reliant on God and God alone. There increasingly becomes no external source, be it Man or the Bible or the Church or Science, that can easily and rapidly reduce the uncertainty. 

For a long time, we may be angry at a godless reality full of hate and suffering. We may find ourselves furious at the lack of God intervening in horrific situations.

But that isn't all there is. That isn't the sum total of things. 

I think another interesting point here is that our ability to judge those things as being horrific and full of suffering is perhaps a sign of the moral order of God. We don't merely accept terrible tragedies as "just the way it is." Rather, our horror, our keen pain, is a sign that God surely lives in us.

I'll have more to say tomorrow. 

In Christ, 

​Steve

Father Sergio and I had an interesting conversation yesterday about the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and that conversation then led me to a few interesting insights in meditation

Recall what I wrote about suffering: that our individual suffering is synonymous with the Suffering of Christ. 

One thing I should make clear: the Suffering in Christianity, the "Mystical Suffering," as it were, isn't just about feeling physical pain or being in discomfort. There's a kind of underlying experience we might call "Existential Suffering" in Christianity, a Suffering with the Pathos of Christ, and, if I may be so bold, this Mystical Suffering is identical to what Sufis refer to as "Longing for God." Exactly the same thing; they've just been historically framed differently. 

Mystical Suffering is a fundamental aspect of Christianity. You cannot escape it; it is the Path to God. 

And here's where the Truth is revealed in the Mystical Suffering: while one suffers, one also feels joy and meaning. But the joy here is a subtle one; it's one that causes us to crave more of that very Mystical Suffering! There's a deep alchemy going on here in which the Shadow side of things (the painful aspect) is combined with the Light of the joy and meaning and absolute connection with God. 

All of this is encompassed in the imagery of the Suffering of Christ, and especially in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Because again, this Mystical Suffering in us is synonymous with the Mystical Suffering of Christ. 

Perhaps I've said too much, but what I've said is Truth, as best as I can explain it.

In Christ,

Steve

There are those sweet moments of grace in which we see that Christ isn't just "within" our souls in some kind of metaphorical way, or to understand this differently, our souls aren't just some kind of vast swamp in which Christ then wades through. 

Rather, Christ is the true, abiding, and deepest aspect of our souls. 

Our Higher Self is, for all intents and purposes, an emanation of that same Christ. 

Of course, for those of us among the Aquarian Catholics, we're not entirely picky about our terminology here; one might as well use terms like "the Buddha" and so on, and we'll understand you just as easily.

And at times, there are alignments within our soul with the Christ, with that Deepest Nature, and we can sense it directly; there's a sense of goodness and well-being and correctness to it. 

May our souls burn fervently and brightly with love for Christ so that the alignment becomes permanent and not temporary.

In Christ,

Steve 

When I joined the Episcopal Church in the spring of 2012, they gifted me a small, soft-back copy of the Book of Common Prayer. The BCP has some really lovely prayers in it and includes the Psalter as well. 

A friend of mine who's also a former Episcopalian has long recommended the use of praying through the Psalms to deal with various emotional conflicts as the Psalms take us on such an essential journey. 

The mystical perspective of praying the Psalms has to do with each Psalm containing a Name of God in Hebrew, and that by praying the Psalms, one activates the power of those Names. (This is related to the practice of Seed Thought meditations that we seminarians go through.)

In the traditional praying of the Liturgy of the Hours, various Psalms are prayed on the daily. I've heard that the practice of praying the Holy Rosary emerged from monks praying through all the Psalms daily at one point in history, but I'm unsure of how accurate this is and would have to research it. 

Either way, I encourage everyone to pray the Psalms; offer the prayers to God on behalf of someone who needs that good energy. 

In Christ,

​Steve

Now, this is a touchy subject, indeed, for it's only something I've genuinely experienced recently with a particular insight: our suffering is the same suffering as the suffering of Christ in His Passion.

There's some kind of metaphysical reality to this: "Christ's Passion" is, at least from our mystical perspective, an on-going, enduring, ever-present happening (not unlike the Holy Eucharist, the Resurrection, and so on). 

But the real mind-blower is the discovery that the suffering is the same either way; we never suffer alone or in silence, but Christ suffers with us. 

I confess: I don't understand all of the metaphysics behind this or why this is the case, only that it is the case. 

And the truth is there comes a point where suffering is just too much to bear, and it's very unlikely we'll have the presence of mind to be able to offer such hardship to Christ.

But the minor things, the minor pains, the minor suffering, the suffering that uncomfortable but leaves us with presence of mind...this must be always offered to Christ. Or rather, we must remember that the suffering happens at once to us and to Christ as well. 

A profound but powerful mystery.

In Christ,

​Steve